bed of stars

yeah real life application of geology...

2006-05-16T11:03:25Z

this movie looks very interesting/scary. anyone who had geo 105 already knows it :) it's good it's going to get more press worldwide though.

http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount_classics/aninconvenienttruth/
http://www.climatecrisis.net

so much to say

2006-05-12T10:32:00Z

well it has been quite a while since i updated..... i'm very bad at this LJ thing however i do still read other peoples'. i suppose that gives me even more reason why i should update too!

but yes, this year is basically over. wow. i have not had a faster year, or a year anywhere close to this fast in my whole life. it all just seems like a blur. it's so strange to think back at how much time has passed and how little it feels like it has. i think it's cause i didn't take a lot of pictures. pictures really do create memories and basically log little niches in time. i have very few photographs from this year and that makes me really sad. next year i'll be obnoxious girl with the camera.

i think i finally feel like LA/Eagle Rock/Oxy is home now. the feeling of leaving and going back to SD isn't comforting, but rather scary as to what will come of it. i know monica will be there (which makes me very happy :) ) and suzanne will be for a bit of it, but i know it's going to be even less the same than HS than last summer and last winter break were. most of my Oxy friends are going to be in LA for the summer and i feel like if i go home, i'm going to feel like i'm missing out on something. i love being with my family and in my house and not worrying about shower sandles or stupid people in dorms or LA smog, but i don't know if i'm going to feel like i'm just not moving forward if i go back to SD. not that i really have any job (or intern) offers here yet, still looking on that, but ahhh i dont know. i wish i could be in LA for the whole 10 week thing and then be in SD for the rest of the time. i can't stay here 365 days a year, it's just too much, but i don't think i can stay in SD all summer if people are all doing cool stuff up here.

i think i just need to stop and wait and see what ACTUALLY happens and what opportunities i ACTUALLY have rather than worrying about them ahead of time. i just hope that i have fun, that i don't feel lonely, and that i'm happy. that's what's most important.

next year i'm really going to miss the view from up the hill. i know it's silly, but i've lived up here for 2 years so it feels more "homey" to me than lower campus. i like that it's a bit of a walk because then i get to feel like i'm going away from the rest of my day, back to my room, to michael buble...haha. next year will be exciting tho. it's not that i'm not looking forward to it, it's just that i'm going to miss this room and this year and such a lot. genevieve and i made our room so homey and nice, i hope that my newcomb room next year will be just the same. and genevieve and michelle are going to have a house!! i'm so excited!! they can throw some cool partys for cool people yo. plus i'll have somewhere to go and cook and be merry!

oh i'm so bad with endings.

oh music. oh procrastination.

2006-04-06T07:58:18Z

i'm actually writing a paper about the indie scene in the media. it took me about 20 minutes to write a page. it's supposed to be 3-5. hopefully it won't take too long. plus i could write about 20 pages on the subject. oh anthro.

AND ONTO MUSIC FUN! ps. i can't narrow things down. 10 is too little.

List 10 musical artists you like (do this before reading the questions below).

1. weezer
2. hanson (yes hanson)
3. the get up kids
4. saves the day
5. architecture in helsinki
6. onelinedrawing (/new end original/far/jonah etc...)
7. the flaming lips
8. queen
9. bright eyes
10. the arcade fire

What was the first song you ever heard by 6?:
the first few i downloaded (at the same time) were "crush on everyone" "better than this" and "got my list" awwwwwwww memories. they are still some of my favorite songs.

What is your favorite album of 8?:
well, i only have their best of double album. i like the first disc a lot. it's more over-listenable than the 2nd in my opinion.

What is your favorite lyric of 5?:
and as we planned,
there's fireworks stage right.

How many times have you seen 4 live?:
4 in the span of about 6 months. first time was amazing. at the Trocadero in Philadelphia before they got huge and Thursday opened for them when Thursday's crowd was still insanely violent. the second was opening for Weezer with Ozma in the wonderful town of Wilkes-Barre, PA. Chris danced a lot. the third was opening for Green Day and Blink 182 at someplace in northern NJ where they only played songs from Stay What You Are and seemed to have little feeling. the fourth was at the Electric Factory. the crowd sucked. it was a sad day. but i saw Eben and almost touched him.

What is your favorite song by 7?:
buggin', do you realize, or suddenly everything has changed. or the spongebob song haha.

Is there a song of 3 that makes you sad?:
"Holiday" only because of the truth I now see in it. I still absolutely love it.

What is your favorite song by 2?
oh don't do this!! "Lucy" is so cute. "This Time Around" is inspiring. I just love "Minute Without You" though and "MMMbop" of course :) however "Never Let Go" is one of my favorite songs by anyone ever.

What is your favorite song by 9?:
ayeeee. "First Day of My Life" for sure. but also "Bowl of Oranges" and "Let's Not Shit Ourselves/To Love and To Be Loved" because those are two songs I can sing every word to without thinking.

How did you get into 3?:
my friend David at Julian Krinsky Summer Enrichment Camp (oh yeah) in the summer after 9th grade told me about these three little bands called Less Than Jake, the Vandals, and the Get Up Kids. my life was never the same.

What is your favorite song by 4?:
"Shoulder to the Wheel" and "This Is Not An Exit." I'm really bad at this singular noun thing...

How many times have you seen 9 live?:
4. Coachella 2004, the little night with Conor M. Ward, and Jim James? for some reason it think that's his name..., the tour for I'm Wide Awake It's Morning, and the tour with the Faint.

What is a good memory concerning 1?:
oh dear. soooo many. either our 8th grade sort-of-dance thing (i forget what it was) when someone put "the Sweater Song" on and I discovered this amazing band that everyone was so excited to hear, cause kids at NHS are so cool. then the first time i saw them live and 25,000 people at the Tweeter Centre in Camden, NJ sang along to "In the Garage" so loudly that it scared me when I looked down. then when I saw them in Wilkes-Barre and we had to get directions after the show and Zane and Becca and I talked to a guy who had his glasses broken on the floor of the show and we were emersed (sp?) in a convenience store full of =w= fans :)

Is there a song by 8 that makes you sad?:
nope

What is your favorite song of 1?:
i can't pick! "you gave your love to me softly" "Holiday" or "Across the Sea"

How did you become a fan of 10?:
in a 24 hour span I had at least 4 people talk to me about them. I figured that plus 9+ pitchfork review meant something. But really i didn't start listening til hearing "Headlights Look Like Diamonds" on the mix CD Meryl made for my 19th birthday

on the east coast we ride til we die

2006-03-17T06:47:28Z

still in boston for spring break. been here since sunday and will be around until saturday. see you soon! (on whichever coast that may be)

you're 16, you're 23, you're 32, you're 41

2006-02-26T09:54:53Z

i saw jonah matranga formerlly of onelinedrawing/new end original/far. i've been to more concerts than i can remember in my life. this was in the top 3, if not number one.

i was about 4 feet away the whole time. the audience was awesome, the venue was awesome, and he was the most inspiring, genuine, caring person i've ever encountered in my entire life. his merch is on a "pay what you can" basis (ie. my cd cost 15ish) no price too low. after the show he played a bunch of songs in the parking lot on acoustic guitar, at 12:30am. a girl (michelle's friend) who had met him years ago (when she was going through a really hard time in her life and he had sat and talked to her, basically saved her) went up to him to tell him hi and said something like "i don't know if you remember me but..." and he responded with a big hug and "you think i don't remember you? how could anyone forget a conversation like that?"

i could go explaining reasons, but it honestly wouldn't give him true justice. if there's anyone to aspire to be...well damn, it's him.

ps. oh, and he played pretty much every song i could have though to have asked for.

finally an update

2006-02-02T18:55:45Z

here is my first update of the second semester of my second year at college. woooo. so bryan's off to washington d.c. for this huge bush protest. i know i shouldn't be mad, but i guess i would have wanted to go too. bah, nevermind it's not worth getting into on the silly little internet and i will have fun things to do this weekend too. today's just gonna suck with my, you know, 6 freaking hours of class in the same room. but aside from that i get to go to see of montreal on saturday and hopefully find something fun to do on friday night. blah. let me just say being awake at 10 am when you don't have class til 1:30 is not fun.

hmmm. anyway. bryan and i went to disneyland last weekend! well we were planning on going to CA Adventure, but i had bought the tickets from katie (thank you katie :)!!) and i guess you can only go to each park once per ticket, SOOOO we turned around and went to disneyland instead. it turned out very well. we went on whinnie the pooh first, which made me really happy cause i had never gotten to go on before. then onto splash mountain. the picture was really funny cause bryan looked absolutely terrified like OH GOD. OH GOD. OH GOD. and im just like eeeeeeeee smiling. if that makes sense....haha. moving on! tried to go on space mountain, but after waiting an hour they told us that it had broken and it was closed indefinitely, which really sucked. plus i had finally gotten okay with the idea of going on it (*don't like rollercoasters*) and it was a pretty anti-climactic (sp?) moment. went on buzz lightyear. i love that ride so much!! it's like laser tag on a disney ride. and i realize that doesn't really sound that cool. i liked it. we later went on peter pan, pinnochio, saw the tiki tiki tiki tiki tiki room show, went on roger rabbit's spinny car thing, the matterhorn, and FINALLY got to go on space mountain. it was terrifying, but i really did like it. i would do it again. it's true. ummmmm what else. OH! the fireworks are really really cool! i had heard they were and i was like ehh i don;t want to wait an hour (which we ended up doing) to get a good spot. but yeah, they definitely had some cool ideas for that. worth waiting for.

we ate dinnner at the blue bayou :) the restuarant inside pirates of the caribbean. it was really nice, it felt like you were eating outside by a lake in someones backyard in new orleans (pre-katrina) with really good food. we were REALLY lucky to get a reservation there too. we went up at like 1pm and i heard this guy telling his gf/wife/friend "they're only taking reservations for tomorrow" and i went to go tell bryan, who had just gotten up to the front of the line, and i guess that had one cancellation at 5:10 which was perfect cause we were wanting to eat dinner early! and the other neat thing that happened... we found out that if you are in line for a ride by 11:55 (the park closes at 12am) then you can go on. around 11 we realized we never got to go on pirates of the caribbean but we were going on the little kids small rides then. we went on peter pan at 11:30 thinking it would be the last one. so we get off peter pan at 11:50 and look at each other and bryan's like, do you know how to get to pirates? and we just start running there, which i might add is like, completely across the park from peter pan! we ran straight up to the front (no line) and walked over to one of the boats. the lady starts putting the other few little groups of people all on the boat ahead of us and we had seen some people going in their own boats, so we asked if we could too. soooo, we go to go on pirates of the caribbean in our own boat :) it felt like we were just out on a lake. it was very peaceful, well, until the guns shooting and stuff. but that was nice too :) ANYYYYWAY good. times. ill put some pictures up later.

this semesters starting off okay otherwise, in terms of school. geology's easy, but the labs (so far, which is 1) are boring. music of africa and the middle east i enjoy though it's really easy to fall asleep. and my 2 anthro classes are kinda stressful since theyre both 1 day a week, 3 hours each, on the same day, in the same room.

hopefully this weekend will be fun. im REALLY looking forward to Of Montreal. maybe ill get to see brokeback mountain finally if anyone still wants to see it? that would be exciting. and mb i should do some hw too.

bedofstars @ 2006-01-06T03:53:00

2006-01-06T11:49:24Z

i miss snow :(

WARNING long, kate discussing her thoughts at 3am. that should say enough

2006-01-05T11:14:38Z

this break has left me questioning life, mine and those around me, more than i ever have before. although last year i felt as though everyone i knew from san diego was moving forward in their lives, it wasn't until this christmas break that i really felt this split becoming a reality. hearing people talk about how it was the last time they would spend an extended period of time here or what they will be doing during their next summer break away from home it all suddenly felt real. up until tonight i've been confused with how i felt about everything. first, i've felt for a while now that i've moved on from high school a lot less than many people around me. because i moved here so late in my childhood or maybe its just me...whatever the reason, i've felt like i've been trying to hold onto things more than those around me. but then again in other ways i have moved on and i do spend less time here, lots of the time in temecula. so maybe i'm just seeing the ways other people are moving on different from the way i am.

in so many ways i feel like i feel a lot less ready to grow up and move onto this next stage of life than lots of people. i do feel like i just got to california and i've only been friends with my friends from san diego for a few years, half of which has now been spent apart. i'm so tired of moving on to different groups of friends, so much of me just wishes i could stay with this group. maybe i haven't been here long enough to WANT to get away as much as other people and maybe for me i'm torn between the fact that going off to college to the east coast, like so many people i know, would have been escaping to somewhere i spent most of my life. so what am i supposed to do? by chance or by choice my friends at school aren't a group like i had for the year and a half in san diego and i miss that. maybe if i had that base group i'd feel more calm about transitioning friendships, but i don't know. i have had so many amazing groups of friends in the last 8 years and i've left all of them only to start over. on the one hand i suppose i wouldn't have met the next group without leaving the first or second or third, but on the other hand i just want a solid group that i can count on and won't have to leave in a few weeks, months, or years.

i guess that's life and i know i always end up rambling about this on here, but this is what i think about i guess. and i think i'm finally starting to come to terms with this transition. not that i feel much better about it or that it doesn't make me cry when i think about the fact that this might be the last time of being able to "come home" really hanging out with a bunch of high school friends for an extended period of time, but i'm trying to understand life better and feel better about it. i've realized that i need to start trying harder to move on, to feel like that is home and it should feel that way. the fact that i only went 100 miles from home makes it hard. i don't feel like i've had a complete change of environment and i don't feel like i've done something completely new. but at the time of applying in 12th grade, i'd lived here for barely over a year and the thought of returning to the northeast felt very old. maybe just the distance would have helped. or maybe a different school. i hate blaming unsatisfiedness (is that a word?) on occidental because there are so many things about it that just recently i've come to appreciate and make me glad i'm not anywhere else, but at the same time, i don't feel like i have my niche of friends. i have a few good friends and i feel like they have some good friends, but i don't have a bunch of people that are all friends, which i feel like i'm missing out on when i hear high school friends talk.

this break ive realized i need to stop thinking about things and make a good situation out of my situation. not just contemplate and analyze, what i need to do is just act. i feel like its hard to get to know people at oxy. i mean, while people are friendly, i guess there's this part of me that feels like i don't have much in common with so many people i meet. so many sorrority girls, which apparently isn't really that high of a number, but i really was just hoping to have some friends with similar interests. a group of friends who like to go to shows and i can joke around with without feeling like i'm becoming someone who i'm not. that's not to say that i don't have some good friends who i feel this with, but i feel like they also have their lives and i'm not really a full part of them. that if we hang out its just us, it's not a group where its like "oh let me call ____, ______, and _______." that's what i miss and i feel like exsists elsewhere. i dont know maybe i'm just wishing for something thats not realistic or something that is in the past but i just feel like it was nice. and thats what i miss most of highschool.

while at ljcds, my short time there, i never felt like i didnt have people to hang out with. i knew that if people were getting together i'd get a phonecall and i didnt feel lonely. anyway i'm just rambling, but the point is, i really really miss those friends. and i know that it's inevitable that things change, and that i'm ok in accepting the things that i've changed and that i need to do that for my friends, but seeing so many people moving away already and feeling the growing gap between highschool and college, not even that we've all changed so much, just feeling like we're al actually growing up, it makes me sad. i know i've never liked change, but i feel like the older i get the harder it is to accept and the harder i try to hold on. i know that you can never keep up friendships the way they were when people were all living together or near each other, but i always try to make the attempt as long as possible. i mean, i'm friends with camp friends from 8th grade on facebook that i still regard as some of my old best friends, despite the fact that we were together for a month and i never saw most of them again. ah life. i always try and remember that the best thing one can do is take the good from every situation or relationship and apply it to their own life and other situaitons or relationships they encounter in the future. appreciate people while they are there and remember them when they're gone, but allow yourself to progress through life and live in the present. it's just harder than it sounds.

i realize that this is one of the last times we have to be "kids." maybe some of us will move back home after college, most of us will continue to move away. the fact that i'm only in los angeles makes me jealous of those in boston, philadelpha, new york, etc... because i feel like i'd have 2 seperate lives more than i feel like now. i don't want to think of "what ifs" cause that's silly, but i need to find a way to define my life so i feel like i'm in charge and i'm happy with the way i see it going and the person i'm becoming. i liked who i was in 12th grade as far as i recall and i don't want to lose that person. this break has really made me look at who i'm becoming and how and even though i'm sure i'm going to have another one of these late night questioning conversations with myself relatively soon, i'm glad i can start to progress. i don't want to feel stuck, i always want to feel like i'm moving. and i always want to feel like i'm moving in a good direction with good people to good places. as cliche as that sounds. i think italy will be good for me.

i'm

2005-12-17T09:21:26Z

home!

i'm not gonna be working (no cheap cds/dvds this holiday season :( ) but that means i have more time to see people! yay!

what my life looks like:

friday 12/16 - tuesday 12/20 = san diego!
wednesday 12/21 - monday 12/26 = northern california w/ bryan's family!
tuesday 12/27 - friday 1/13*fridaythe13th!* = san diego!
saturday 1/14 - friday 1/20 = florida!
saturday 1/21 - sunday 1/22 = san diego!
sunday 1/22 = return to LA!

so. yes. that there is my winter break haha. i hope san diego people will be around to hang out and do things because i miss you people and i want to do FUN things this break! or just see people that's cool too :) woooooo. okay sorry. i havent really slept in about 3 days. ill be better in the morning.

bedofstars @ 2005-12-01T21:42:00

2005-12-02T05:56:01Z

so i definitely just switched into the 10:30 geology class for next semester, making that my earliest class :) :) oh yay

so heres what its looking like....

MWF
10:30-11:30 Geology
11:30-12:30 Lit & Philosophy (possibly changing)
1:30-2:30 Music of African and the Middle East
(Wed only) 3:30-5:30 Geology lab

Thursday
1:30-4:30 Urban Anthropology

from PITCHFORK MEDIA today

2005-11-30T00:05:22Z

Impossible Shapes Side Projects Abound, Reissue Due

Matt Amis reports:
Many a hipster nerd should be well acquainted with the concept of impossible shapes, those crazy optical illusions the teachers handed out to expand your mind during gifted class. There were many variations, like the never-ending block, the Mobius card, and pretty much everything Salvador Dali ever did.

Those same hipster nerds are probably aware of the Impossible Shapes, the band. The Indiana quartet also comes in several incarnations, one of which is Normanoak, solo project of frontman Chris Barth. Barth is currently wrapping up work on his second album under the Normanoak name, due to come out mid-2006 on Secretly Canadian as a follow-up to 2004's Born a Black Diamond.

Normanoak began a fall tour last week along with another solo project, Lord Fyre, (not to be confused with Frye boots), who is Seth Mahern from John Wilkes Booze (a band which in itself contains three Impossible Shapes members). Is your brain teased yet? Dates are what the winter does:
11-29 Ft. Worth, TX - 1919 Hemphill *
11-30 Las Cruces, NM - The Bean*
12-01 Tucson, AZ - ITL Café *
12-02 Pasadena, CA - Occidental College *
12-03 Oakland, CA - Mama Buzz Café *
12-06 Portland, OR - TBA*
12-07 Olympia, WA - Phoenix House *
12-08 Missoula, MT - Crazy Daisy *
12-10 Denver, CO - Rhinoceropolis *
12-11 Lawrence, KS - Replay Lounge *
12-12 Cedar Rapids, IA - The Irish Democrat *
12-13 Moline, IL - Lazer Mansion *
12-14 Indianapolis, IN - The Duplex *
12-16 Bloomington, IN - Green Fuzz Mansion *

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

woo how exciting. if you want to come the show starts at 8 in Bird Studio this Friday.

in other news, life is continuing as always. sorry for the insane lack of updates this year. i'm not sure why, i guess LJ just started feeling old, even though i still read everyone elses so i guess that makes me somewhat of a hypocrit. oh well. 2 weeks and 2 days til winter break!!!! i'm so excited. i guess i've really been feeling the "sophmore slump" this year though things aren't entirely bad or anything. just a slump i suppose. i miss having tons of fun randomly and i feel like this year its just more subdued. things haven't been terrible though. i just got back from kentucky and it was actually really nice seeing my family, maybe i'm finally getting old enough to appreciate them? not that they aren't insane (and some quite rude and mean) but still haha. i guess that's how things are with old friends. i constantly am looking back at what i had in the past and seeing that i really should have appreciated it more, but that's the story of my life. i need to learn to live in the present more.

but yes, this year... well i dont really remember how much i've written so far. im living in stewie with genevieve which is so much nicer than braun last year. we have a couch, microwave, fridge and a pretty rug and our room just feels really really homey. i have my car (which im sure ive said) which makes me feel so much happier and freer (sp?). halloween i dressed up as daria and bryan dressed up as pedro from napoleon dynamite, because well, we both kind of look like those people already so it was fun :) genevieve and i went to pasadena the other night and got free 21 choices since it was their customer appreciation day. that was neat even though it was really cold for ice cream. bryan and i also went to the grove finally! ive been wanting to go there for a long time now, so im glad i went. we ate at this amazing greek restaurant that ive been thinking about ever since. yeah i think i like food too much. michelle and i have been watching un-aired (in the US) degrassi episodes for like a month now and it's so wonderous haha. oh degrassi. what will they think of next??? right now i think we're 4 episodes ahead of the US but the one tonight isn't going to be on until june! ha! okay yeah far too excited i know.

so i think im going to go to boston/(maybe) pa over spring break. i havent seen zane in like, fucking 3 years? thats way too long. over break im going to try to work at tower again and hopefully see LJCDS friends a lot because i miss them all. i know it's silly to live in the past ,but i feel like everyone else is making these amazing friends at college and drifting and that makes me sad, cause i liked the way friend groups (at least mine) were in HS (in CA at least) as opposed to college. ohh floundering, i dont like you. i guess im still just trying to find a place here and i feel like im in the middle of a bunch of different things and dont really have a place in any of them. hmm i guess ill figure it out.

bedofstars @ 2005-11-23T22:24:00

2005-11-24T06:21:19Z

it's all so very different. more later?

bedofstars @ 2005-11-16T22:52:00

2005-11-17T07:35:46Z

i think im too harsh sometimes?

to the brown haired boy down the road

2005-11-13T20:24:45Z

you're a waste of oxygen and that's it. living a pointless life doing absolutely nothing to better the world. maybe you'd be better on your own because nothing you're doing here is causing any good AT ALL.

bedofstars @ 2005-11-12T23:51:00

2005-11-13T07:49:25Z

i really wish people would stop blasting really loud, shitty, rap music. i feel like everyone around me is drunk and/or having a good time right now. i should be getting work done but i can't concentrate, especially with this awful bass beat that will. not. stop. ugh, why do people enjoy such awful music? i don't understand it. it's times like this where i really do dislike college.

this is for you

2005-11-07T10:42:47Z

i just want to feel comfortable.

oh surveys how silly

2005-10-27T02:19:58Z

10 years ago:
- I was 10 years old!
- I was in Mr. Guest's 4th grade class
- I was really into Beanie Babies? i think?
- I was at the same school as my little sister for the first time since we were really little
- I always played games outside with Casey and the other girls on my street
- I watched Full House religiously

5 years ago:
- I was a freshman in high school...ugh
- I started going to concerts all the time with Amber, Becca, and then Zane
- ZANE WAS MY BEST FRIEND AND WE WENT TO THE OXFORD VALLEY MALL ALL THE TIME
- I think i was a lot uglier than i am now (hopefully)
- I thought i was really going to get a dog, but never did :(

1 year ago:
- I met and started going out with a boy named Bryan
- I had a son named Johnothan Shaniqua Skuzzlebutt
- I thought i was going to be a music major
- I practically stopped playing the drums :(
- I started wearing less band shirts than i had since i was 14
- I was in the 2nd row for the flaming lips!!
- I stopped being a vegetarian

Yesterday:
- I was less tired than i am today
- I did a lot less homework than i wanted to
- I was REALLY frustrated with the International Programming Office
- I had a fierce argument about politics with my dad and told him he was turning bad in his old age
- I ate quiznos for dinner!!!

5 snacks I enjoy:
- tortilla chips
- nachos/taquitos
- cheese & crackers
- string cheese
- raspberries (and chocolate)
- strawberries (and chocolate)

5 songs I know all the words to:
- MMMBop [Hanson] (really the whole Middle of Nowhere CD)
- Bowl of Oranges [Bright Eyes]
- Sunshine, Lollipops, Rainbows [Leslie Gore]
- Holiday [the Get Up Kids]
- 3rd Planet [Modest Mouse]

5 things I would do with 100 dollars:
- probably save at least $25 cause i do that...
- movies
- cds
- pajamas
- yummy dinner

3 places I would run away to:
- jimmy's appartment! and i'd put skateboards on the walls
- Encinitas or Venice
- Greece :)

1 thing I would never wear:
- a body suit (thinking that it looked good)...or those matching sweatpants/shirt sets that say "juicy" on the ass. ew.

5 favorite shows:
- Degrassi (it goes there)
- Trading Spouses/Wife Swap
- Trading Spaces/While You Were Out
- Arrested Development
- trashy MTV dating shows that i just keep watching no matter how dumb the people are

5 bad habits:
- Procrastination!!!
- Slouching
- getting too involved in things
- sleeping too late
- getting too angry when losing at video games, even though i know i'm not good

5 biggest joys:
- being happpy with bryan
- being happy with all of my friends
- eating cupcakes and mashed potatoes (not together of course)
- seeing a really amazing concert that revitalizes my faith in the music world
- reading a book or hearing a song or seeing a movie that i really relate to and being able to talk to someone about it

5 fictional characters I would date:
- Craig [Degrassi] even though he's bipolar, was abused by his now dead father, and is kinda crazy
- ????
- ???
- ??
- ?

5 people I tag to do the survey are:
- Bryan
- JIMMY
- Marion
- Katie/Monica because you are now one person
- Gerry

i'm amused by little things

2005-10-24T08:08:21Z

searchingforjake s'est déconnecté à 10:05:33.

SO cool!!!
yay marion and france!

oh sororities. how silly you are.

2005-10-19T08:51:49Z

so the hos at my school have decided to identify themselves scarlet letter style...

^ genevieve posing with one such door ^

bedofstars @ 2005-10-16T01:50:00

2005-10-16T08:53:36Z

well this night definitely turned out a lot different than i had imagined. i'm going to be really mad in the morning, but that will have to wait til then. things need to change because i'm never doing this again. i came down here to not be closed minded and well, it definitely opened my eyes. hopefully things are more clear in the morning and they will change. i'm not going to be in a situation like this again and i'm glad i learned that now. i'm glad i was here to make sure things were okay...

bedofstars @ 2005-10-15T21:29:00

2005-10-16T04:39:26Z

i feel so out of place and so unwanted. i heard something last night about someone else that made me realize how people must look at me. i feel like im the weirdest person here and no one wants to hang out with the weird kid right? no one wants to invite the weird kid over to have fun right? it just makes it awkward and people don't want to deal with awkward. people would rather disclude someone than change anything or try to include someone in some other way. it's always discluding people. i dont belong here and i get that. i dont know what im supposed to do. i miss having a group of friends to hang out with. i miss having a group of friends that included me and i didnt have to worry that they'd rather not be with me on weekend nights.

i just wish i had someone to talk to instead of livejournal who might understand or might help me. whatever. i guess i should stop relying on people.

so i suppose i post this now

2005-10-14T05:42:46Z

Post a comment and...
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
4. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
5. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
6. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.

if anyone would like to !

haven't updated in so long, im sorry and i SWEAR i will do a real one soon

2005-10-13T23:58:32Z

for now...

The Sonnet
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDf)

Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?

Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.

Your exact opposite:
Genghis Khunt

Random Brutal Sex Master

Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.

You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.

ALWAYS AVOID: The 5-Night Stand, The False Messiah, The Hornivore, The Last Man on Earth

CONSIDER: The Loverboy

Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: searchingforjak

hmm... at least parts are way too true. i did giggle.

thanks mom didn't have an abortion or my birthday wouldn't be today

2005-09-16T21:56:44Z

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!! I'M 20!! how weirrrrrd.

longer update later.

so far it's a good day :)

bedofstars @ 2005-09-13T19:46:00

2005-09-14T02:54:55Z

i'm not really sure what i'm doing anymore. these past 24 hours my mind has been blank and i don't thnk anything has gotten within 1 foot of my body. at least i don't feel it. it's all a blur and i feel like i have slept in 5 years. i don't really want to write on here, i just don't know what to do. i don't think i belong here. i think i've driven everyone away and everyone doesn't know me. i know it's never too late but it feels like it's all lost. i don't know where to go or what to look for. my ideals and expectations have always gotten me hurt. i guess things never change. i just really think i don't belong here. but where do i belong? i don't think there's an answer to that. i don't really think i have anywhere to go. outside is nice. you can just wander there. i'm sorry to those who feel i'm a bother. i always get hurt for trying to do the right thing. i always have this stupid stupid idea in my head that other people think of others before themselves. that's bullshit. myself included. everyone puts themself first and thinking that it's going to be any other way is simply naive. i've never felt so empty or lost or numb at least since 7th grade. i tried to block that out of my head though. i never wanted to be alone. i never tried for that. i always make the wrong choices it seems. everyone's gone and i'm not really wanted, so where do i go? i don't know. i really don't feel like i belong here. realizing that the actions i would take to help others would not neccessarily be recipricate unto me if i were in that situation is a realization i need to understand and accept. i think i've been avoiding it and hoping it to be false for too long now. i just keep thinking, "maybe next time it will be different." but that's just stupid. and i do appreciate you for being there. it's hard to remember someones helping you when they tell you they think it's a good idea for you to leave.

i'm gonna get out of this.